Sweet thoughts for Valentine’s Day to come…

 

Reading the “New York Love Story” of Ha Kin, a young writer, I suddenly admire the way she writes. Her story could be one-sided, that how can all the characters in this story are so beautiful and romantic? How can the girl, the main character, get surrounded by all the gorgeous people? Well, I think everyone has the right to dream and to make friends with beautiful people. But reading again, everyone in that love story wasn’t perfect. They will have something that can stain their seem-to-be perfect images. Even I myself am dreaming about romantic love sometimes. But thinking carefully, my love story is really romantic in a way.

 

In this story of Ha Kin, I found myself reflected in the girl – the main character, somehow. The girl isn’t beautiful but she’s confident and enjoying how “weird” she looks to everyone. She doesn’t try to look nicer but she tries to be “stranger”. Confidence is a point that not everyone can see. When you’re confident about yourself and you love the way you look, you’re beautiful. We always call it “Be beautiful in your own way and with your own style”, don’t we?

 

For me, there is no standard for beauty. Too many beauty contests have taken place and I’ve seen the negative effect they have upon young women (or girls) and men. Women try to look like those celebrities and forget about who they really are. God creates them with special looks for a purpose, to give values to self-confidence. Men (not all of them, I have to say) consider the beauty contest winners as standards them to evaluate other so-called “ordinary” women. Stop dreaming!!! Just be confident about who you really are and how you really look like!

 

The book doesn’t teach me anything but it reminds me of loving the others. Mankind needs love and attention regardless where they come from and how they look like. Just love, and don’t ask for the return. Love and life will return what we have given away. Life is always fair, isn’t it?

 

 

Got to see my high school mate with her younger sister in Highland Café in one of the most beautiful streets of the city, we had coffee, fruit-milk shake and yoghurt. It was getting dark and all the colorful lights were on, sparkling along the well-known street. People are all over the place. It’s the forth day of Lunar New Year and we are still in holiday mood, going around to record every moment of the festival. We joined them, taking a lot of pictures, too, as we were walking along the flower street. I was thinking to myself, “How I wish you were here with me!”. Something startled me; Valentine’s Day is on the way, so close! And I remember something else. You had told me you did not and still do not celebrate Valentine’s Day…

 

At that time, I was so innocent to look at you with huge Bambi eyes

“Why don’t you celebrate that lovely day?”

You looked at me, just more than any other feeling,

“Because with you besides, everyday is even more than Valentine’s Day!”

Sweet talk!!!

But it melted my heart…

Wasn’t it the biggest mistake girls could make?

I bet!

 

Somehow, for lovers, that saying is true until now. I was feeling so peaceful in my heart. For the previous, I made the mistake by jumping into a relationship with the wrong motive that could only be realized after it caused me so much heartache. A motive to decide to get in a courtship or relationship or whatever we call it is just so crucial that none of us can ignore. I chose the motive of filling up the empty space, and in the end, I myself ended the relationship to get back to that empty ambience. And it hurts!

 

But the feeling of doing the right thing came out to easy my pain. Time healed my wound even though it wasn’t easy at all. I had to get back to the right motive. And the right motive was you and you alone. God didn’t plan for a game, after all. We are still distant but this time, I find it much easier to accept and live with that fact.

 

 

Today, after several weeks after the break-up, I took most of my courage to look at how my ex moved on. He was fast, faster than me and his new partner is kinda pretty. I was sitting down, looking at his picture taken with her. Where is the love in his eyes? I didn’t see it. I searched for my feeling deep deep inside. Do I feel jealous? No, it’s not the jealousy. Am I sad? I am not sad, either. What is it, the feeling? I named it pity-ness. I feel pity for him, and sorry for his new girlfriend. I just hope that she won’t end up like me, saying goodbye just because she finds out he just took her for granted.

 

My first ex got married. Now he has the chance to celebrate Valentine’s Day with the love of his life. He deserves to be happy and share his life with a suitable soul-mate. Previously, his soul and mine didn’t match. God pull us away because he was born for someone else. May God bless him with his marriage.

 

Talking about marriage, oh my, another friend of mine will get married in March. She’s my lovely sister in church and finally, she makes it. I surely will attend her wedding and well, that’s also the best chance to see other good old friends back in college. Now it’s also the time to think about the gift I should bring along for her in her Big day. Headache! Oh, headache!

 

 

Passing by a bookstore, I found it closed with the light off but still in the shelf behind the glassy wall, there were a number of Valentine’s Cards. Most of them were in pink or red with full of roses, heart-shapes and glittering stars decorating around. This year, who is gonna give me one of these cards? I don’t know. I’ve seldom received Valentine’s Cards, or roses, or chocolate, by the way. *Ahem*, I need to put up the reminder for guys on the net. I can’t be forgotten!!!

 

I admit that at this age, a lot of my friends, especially girls have started looking at wedding gown and even some of them already searched for baby clothes. I’m 25, not too young, yet not too old. As a matter of fact, this is the best age range for girls to walk along the aisle. They look most beautiful, energetic and ready to take up the challenge of establishing a family on their own. But I am not quite sure if they know the hardship after every grand and fabulous wedding. But do we need to get married, by the way?

 

Nonsense…

 

Ok, that’s quite enough for tonight as it seems to be all crappy. Valentine’s Day, I welcome you to come by and leave me perhaps peaceful moments while all couples are having funs out there… with whatever they can… *Ahem* (you dirty-minded people, don’t ever start imagining!!!)

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s