I’ve received the news that one of my close colleagues has just broken up with her boyfriend. No cheating, no third party. The reason was that she was so sick with this guy’s ignorance. I am not sure who is ignoring whom but I guess there should have been problems between them two.
As far as I knew, the drama scene is as follow:
1. The guy: career-lover, future-oriented, fun-lover and still enjoy hanging out with friend whenever possible.
2. The girl: insecured person, needs lots and lots of attention, hard-working and family-oriented.
These 2 got together through someone / something which I wasn’t quite sure but the guy even admitted that he wanted to get married to my colleague as he won’t be able to find anyone that sincere, loving and caring like her. Sounds like a positive note of commitment, doesn’t it? They were so together for a few months. She received flowers for certain random occasions and feel happy with his care. He came to her office and waited for her to finish her work (no matter how late it was) just to send her home safely. I was thinking they would have a happy ending pretty soon until I receive a phone call from her.
“Sunny, I am so sad…”
“Why? Oh honey, what happened?”, worried me.
“He doesn’t seem to care for me anymore. I called him and asked if he is too busy to have dinner. He said he was busy but then half an hour later, I called again and he was in the Karaoke party with his colleagues. He lied to me and all….”, she poured over the phone.
“Oh come on, girl, leave him some space. He needed his privacy, too, you know. Just don’t complain when he wants to watch football games with his bunch of buddies and eating pizza“, I advised her.
“But he could just tell me that he wanted to have some funs with his friends, I’ll let him go. I won’t stop him“, she protested.
“Honey, will he understand that you really think so? Not really, guys think differently, you know, and they’re afraid of us complaining or whining or just saying things in a way that makes them feel guilty. So what are their reactions? Keeping quiet, of course“, I stressed right on the point.
“But...”, she keep protesting, weakly.
“Let’s face it. Guys think in a different way. They wouldn’t have enough time to care about those little thingies you have or want in your mind without telling them. I guess guys are more focusing on the bigger picture. So, please keep yourself busy with some other entertaining activities rather than just sitting alone thinking about how silly men are“, I really pushed her.
Yeah, I think the same way. Guys wouldn’t know much about what women want if we don’t tell them what exactly we want. So, my colleague went and confronted her boyfriend about what she wants and what he could do for her. I guess it didn’t work out as the guy was not ready to commit in a long-term relationship while the girl has already thought of walking along the aisle. I was telling my colleague to focus on something else and she did. She asked other girl friends to come along with her, going shopping, watching movies, dining out, chilling at bars and all. I often checked on her and she has finally come to the decision of calling off the relationship. I guess at least for her, having a clear direction to move on is much better than hanging in the middle of nowhere of the relationship.
I’ve called her a few days ago. She sounded a bit sad but not confused anymore. It’s a good sign and she was about to move on. Amazingly, the guy has moved on already, still enjoying his dinners, karaoke, and movies with his friends. Oh, then the question will be, why did he say he wanted to marry her back then? Perhaps, he wanted to but he was not sure when it was gonna happen.
Digging a bit deeper, he has not taken her home to introduce to his mom and pop yet. I think a guy only gets to be serious when he takes the girl home to introduce her to his family and encourage the girl to get along with his family members. Otherwise, it’s hard to tell. In other words, he was not ready yet, and the girl was just too hopeful. And it was too early for them to conclude about their future together.
I am wondering how the guy would feel before, during and after the break-up.
Before the break-up: Why can’t she just give me a break? She keeps calling and checking on me as if I was her son….
During the break-up: Oh, so that was it. There goes another girl. I just can’t understand what she wants. She never tells me when I could still fix them. And when she told me, that was too late and we were breaking up. So, in the end, what does SHE want?
After the break-up: Well, life goes on. Let’s watch another football game or have a karaoke with friends now. There will be nobody checking on me every hour anymore. I’m so sick of pleasing, apologising and begging the girl for nothing wrong I’ve done. Oh yeah!
I am sure there would be moments that saddened him but rather, he’d feel relieved and free again. Life goes on, as he thinks, and the funs keep coming. As I believe, guys are much more focusing on a bigger picture and do not want to be spied on every details in their life. Give them a break, sisters, give them a break. The story will be different if they become our husbands. Then, they will have to care. And right now, we’re not the Queens of their life just yet. We maybe their princesses but the Queens will be their moms. And 2 queens can’t stay in 1 man’s heart. That’s my point. When he started thinking you act like his Queen (mom), there goes a potential relationship. Act like a princess, mind you, please just don’t act like a Queen!
And in a girl’s mind, there is always insecurity (I observed this a lot from many of my friends and even myself) and it will turn out to be an obstacle in every relationship. The girls will have to decide: to get rid of it or to live with it. It is definitely not easy at all to put aside our internal insecurity. It’s a big decision, so to speak, which requires a lot of courageous, efforts and inner battles to be successful. Some can reach it but some end up being more bitter and more insecured, which become even more obvious later.
So girls, I know I sound like giving a long-winded lecture but I really feel like we need to put aside our insecurity to give ways for our confidence to live our life. Who doesn’t want to be happy? I know it is tough but then, it’s worth trying. So, don’t wait, live up your life, sisters. Live it up… in a good and meaningful, of course!