What happened to guys and girls nowadays?

 46017f02-002f9-01902-400cb8e1 insecure_girl

I’ve received the news that one of my close colleagues has just broken up with her boyfriend. No cheating, no third party. The reason was that she was so sick with this guy’s ignorance. I am not sure who is ignoring whom but I guess there should have been problems between them two.

As far as I knew, the drama scene is as follow:

1. The guy: career-lover, future-oriented, fun-lover and still enjoy hanging out with friend whenever possible.

2. The girl: insecured person, needs lots and lots of attention, hard-working and family-oriented.

These 2 got together through someone / something which I wasn’t quite sure but the guy even admitted that he wanted to get married to my colleague as he won’t be able to find anyone that sincere, loving and caring like her. Sounds like a positive note of commitment, doesn’t it? They were so together for a few months. She received flowers for certain random occasions and feel happy with his care. He came to her office and waited for her to finish her work (no matter how late it was) just to send her home safely. I was thinking they would have a happy ending pretty soon until I receive a phone call from her.

Sunny, I am so sad…”

“Why? Oh honey, what happened?”, worried me.

He doesn’t seem to care for me anymore. I called him and asked if he is too busy to have dinner. He said he was busy but then half an hour later, I called again and he was in the Karaoke party with his colleagues. He lied to me and all….”, she poured over the phone.

Oh come on, girl, leave him some space. He needed his privacy, too, you know. Just don’t complain when he wants to watch football games with his bunch of buddies and eating pizza“, I advised her.

But he could just tell me that he wanted to have some funs with his friends, I’ll let him go. I won’t stop him“, she protested.

Honey, will he understand that you really think so? Not really, guys think differently, you know, and they’re afraid of us complaining or whining or just saying things in a way that makes them feel guilty. So what are their reactions? Keeping quiet, of course“, I stressed right on the point.

But...”, she keep protesting, weakly.

Let’s face it. Guys think in a different way. They wouldn’t have enough time to care about those little thingies you have or want in your mind without telling them. I guess guys are more focusing on the bigger picture. So, please keep yourself busy with some other entertaining activities rather than just sitting alone thinking about how silly men are“, I really pushed her.

*pregnant pause*

Yeah, I think the same way. Guys wouldn’t know much about what women want if we don’t tell them what exactly we want. So, my colleague went and confronted her boyfriend about what she wants and what he could do for her. I guess it didn’t work out as the guy was not ready to commit in a long-term relationship while the girl has already thought of walking along the aisle. I was telling my colleague to focus on something else and she did. She asked other girl friends to come along with her, going shopping, watching movies, dining out, chilling at bars and all. I often checked on her and she has finally come to the decision of calling off the relationship. I guess at least for her, having a clear direction to move on is much better than hanging in the middle of nowhere of the relationship.

I’ve called her a few days ago. She sounded a bit sad but not confused anymore. It’s a good sign and she was about to move on. Amazingly, the guy has moved on already, still enjoying his dinners, karaoke, and movies with his friends. Oh, then the question will be, why did he say he wanted to marry her back then? Perhaps, he wanted to but he was not sure when it was gonna happen.

Digging a bit deeper, he has not taken her home to introduce to his mom and pop yet. I think a guy only gets to be serious when he takes the girl home to introduce her to his family and encourage the girl to get along with his family members. Otherwise, it’s hard to tell. In other words, he was not ready yet, and the girl was just too hopeful. And it was too early for them to conclude about their future together.

I am wondering how the guy would feel before, during and after the break-up.

Before the break-up: Why can’t she just give me a break? She keeps calling and checking on me as if I was her son….

During the break-up: Oh, so that was it. There goes another girl. I just can’t understand what she wants. She never tells me when I could still fix them. And when she told me, that was too late and we were breaking up. So, in the end, what does SHE want?

After the break-up: Well, life goes on. Let’s watch another football game or have a karaoke with friends now. There will be nobody checking on me every hour anymore. I’m so sick of pleasing, apologising and begging the girl for nothing wrong I’ve done. Oh yeah!

I am sure there would be moments that saddened him but rather, he’d feel relieved and free again. Life goes on, as he thinks, and the funs keep coming. As I believe, guys are much more focusing on a bigger picture and do not want to be spied on every details in their life. Give them a break, sisters, give them a break. The story will be different if they become our husbands. Then, they will have to care. And right now, we’re not the Queens of their life just yet. We maybe their princesses but the Queens will be their moms. And 2 queens can’t stay in 1 man’s heart. That’s my point. When he started thinking you act like his Queen (mom), there goes a potential relationship. Act like a princess, mind you, please just don’t act like a Queen!

And in a girl’s mind, there is always insecurity (I observed this a lot from many of my friends and even myself) and it will turn out to be an obstacle in every relationship. The girls will have to decide: to get rid of it or to live with it. It is definitely not easy at all to put aside our internal insecurity. It’s a big decision, so to speak, which requires a lot of courageous, efforts and inner battles to be successful. Some can reach it but some end up being more bitter and more insecured, which become even more obvious later.

So girls, I know I sound like giving a long-winded lecture but I really feel like we need to put aside our insecurity to give ways for our confidence to live our life. Who doesn’t want to be happy? I know it is tough but then, it’s worth trying. So, don’t wait, live up your life, sisters. Live it up… in a good and meaningful, of course!


3 Comments Add yours

  1. LuVCatty says:

    Very interesting discussion, indeed. Surprisingly, I was calling that girl the other day (again) to check how better she was and she told me when she was with him, she didn’t know what she really wants in this relationship. In fact, she felt relieved after calling off the relationship and she was rather scared of thinking about getting married with this guy. It’s better to see the post-courting stage, in which how a man acts will determine how he acts when he faces his life partner everyday and how ready he is to be a committed partner. Actually, my question to that girl was, “So, girl, why did you hook up with him not knowing what you seriously want from the relationship?”. And she went “I’m not sure, I just feel like liking him and we can share about lots of things”. Well, it’s just a very normal need for companion. Go and get a bunch of girls, please. Don’t attach yourself with a man when you don’t know for sure what kind of motive you have toward him.

  2. VonElle82 says:

    Hey sunny dear, one thing that is totally inevitable,nowadays people (both men & women) needs companionship, desire to love and to find the (-nearly)perfect fit as their life partner; whether they want to get married or not is another thing. This is what’s been going around everywhere. They want to love but they cant stop being foolish to hurt themselves and others along the way. Not a sexist opinion, just an observations I’ve spotted around me. “Commitment is a decision, not a feeling.” Women falls in love, they get married. Men confirms he’s ready to commit, he looks for a potential life partner. So, this can -somehow- defined who’s pretty much the emotional gender here. Nevertheless, human beings makes mistakes along the way. Some will always be stubborn to get their heart skinned time after time eventhough they know the issues bout themselves, some learn from their mistakes and hope for a better change of perspective. Let’s hope the younger generations will not learn from us to continue the vicious cycle of foolishness in love. The_two_roads,Ur mention on the verses from Ezekiel 38:22 (NIV) is not wrong but incomplete. Anyone (“gentiles”) whose reading this might perceive God as an angry God who likes to pour down fireballs and spit up cyclones just to tame us. Yes, its the signs of catastrophic phenomenan of this era, by nature and by economical status as well. Hence, its also another angle of view to see that this happens for a reason. Bible did call us to spread the gospel to the people of all nations, tongues and tribes. Let his will be done, and for us to outreach. 

  3. Hello Ms. Sunny,You made your site simple yet elegant. The pictures are a nice touch. I see that you have a wide variety of personal observations here! I’m sending an important message to people about God’s plans for us that is in the Bible: 22 I will execute judgment upon him with plague and bloodshed; I will pour down torrents of rain, hailstones and burning sulfur on him and on his troops and on the many nations with him. (Ezekiel 38:22) (NIV)

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