I was brushing my teeth and suddenly there was a voice echoing inside my head, “Oh look Sunny, you have to remember you don’t talk or act like a Vietnamese. You’re so so foreign in your own land”.

And that was terrifying to me!

I was reminded by a Canadian old friend that I don’t either talk or act like a Vietnamese and he kept mistaking me with an American-born-Vietnamese girl. Hey, I don’t purposely do so just to look cool and be hip. Not at all! It is just me. I have a brain and it decides how I should react toward things in my life. And so far, I am still doing fine. Thanks God.

God is a wonderful yet weird Daddy. He created me in my mom’s womb with unique personality which my mom even can’t fully understand. He brought me up in such a complex context with different schools of thoughts and several life experience, all carried on by my mom, dad and even older folks. He sent me overseas to open my eyes and open my mind; to get myself lots of new friends and most importantly, to really know Him.

I’ve changed. I’ve changed a lot since I knew Him.

So has my life since He appeared in my life.

And I have not acted as normal ever since…

Back to my old Canadian friend, he is a 60 plus man with white hair and round face that reminds me of a short-hair version of Santa Claus. To make it even better, he has a pair of round glasses, which suit his face perfectly. He is the owner of one of my favourite coffee shop I used to come. We became friends as all the fascinating chats came along with all the smoothies or lattes I took. Talking to him made me realize I have not thought like a typical Vietnamese for a long time. We just clicked. We had so much to share about life, about friends, about businesses, about family and even about the comics that we’ve read. Sometimes, I think to myself, it is always lovely to have such old friends who have so much in life to share with me. Talking to them makes me feel good.

I had a sore-throat thanks to all the dust I sniffed in yesterday. I lost my normal voice and easily hissed whenever I was uncomfortable at something. I also lost my temper easily as the soreness tortured me along the day. And when I get sick, the first feeling comes to me is “loneliness”. That totally sucks, I can tell. I’m sick and my boyfriend is nowhere to be found. Not exactly that because I can find him if I really fly to his home land. I just becomes a fuzzy princess by yelling at my poor little heart, “I want him, NOW!”. I emailed him, doing almost everything just to reach him but still, he has been nowhere to be found, for almost a month now.

Where in the world is he?

Let me stop all the ranting about how “loving” my boyfriend is at this point. Simply put, the more I talk about him, the more upset I’d be. So, better not, I just need to jump to bed and start snoring like a happy piggy now. But I can’t. Things, well, emotional things are not that easy to manage. My poor little heart still remains the most stubborn creature ever in this world. It just doesn’t listen to my command.

…

Weeks later…

Dan finally sent me 2 offline messages over Yahoo messenger apologizing for keeping me uninformed for so long and whatever consequences resulted from such lack of communication. I felt so much better after that. Well, what can I say? A man friend told me the other day that 95% of men in the world are lousy boyfriends, husbands and even men alone (those definitely include him, and… well, Dan, too). No wonder there is a trend of women having kids without husbands in my country now. I am not looking up to those women even though they’re so successful, smart and beautiful because deep inside, I know they’re still women. They’re still Eves. Something wrong must have happened and so obviously, women would not need men (boyfriends or husbands) when they can achieve everything they need without MEN.

Time to play a reverse game now…

What happened with the world I’m living in now?

And what’s wrong with feminism nowadays?

So sorry but I have no clues either…

But Dan messaged me and that is the most important thing I would care about. I actually laughed a bit when realizing that Dan has a habit of disappearing for a while and then flushing messages toward me. And he would love to flood me further with whatever updates he has for the time he stays in silence. But don’t care about anything else but him doing fine and well.

And while Dan chooses to stay quiet, I choose to go out with a lot of guys. Oh, don’t jump! That’s not what I mean. Just normal guy friends to hang out, have dinner and chat with. As far as I could remember, I went out with 4 different guys and they are all 30 plus. We had great chats, lots of laughter and really enjoyed good dinners together. That’s what friends are for, isn’t it?

Chris adores me… just like a big brother adores his young cute little sister. I asked him out for dinner but he paid for dinner eventually despite my objection. Chris’ another mistake was taking me to a place where the food was served for 4 instead of 2. And we also finished a whole bottle of white wine. I bet it was pricey because all the food was for 4 people but Chris still pulled the bill back to him although I tried to kick in my share. He said he couldn’t let me share or even pay because I was too cute to do so. I went “What is it supposed to mean?” and he just winked.

It’s hard to understand what men think…

I knew Chris through Karen, my ex-colleague from the States, a gorgeous and voluptuous American-born-Chinese lady with great curves and sexy voice. We met at a late cocktail party and to my amazement, Chris spoke fluent Vietnamese which made me stared at him as if I had just arrived from Mars. But I couldn’t talk to him in Vietnamese and I didn’t even know why. Until now, things still remain unchanged, meaning I still can’t speak a Vietnamese word to Chris.

Yet we just met for the 3^rd time and we are in the same city. What a shame (for both of us)!

What a life we’re living in!

Chris complained that he was so busy that he couldn’t even think about going out for dinner like this. I felt a bit guilty because I have started doing so a few days back. I promised Chris I would buy him dinner next week, Lebanese and Egyptian dishes for his flavour change this time. In return, Chris also asked me to prepare my shopping wish list ready as he’s heading back to the States for 2 weeks and he’ll get me something interesting from the East Coast.

And I went “Yeaaaaaaaaaaaa….”

Chris just laughed.

…

I’m watching The Hill series on MTV at the moment.

Can’t believe that it is so unrealistic! Know why? All the actors and actresses are gorgeous, much more gorgeous than I can imagine and everything around them is just fabulous. The girls are pretty, well made-up with sexy dresses and their boyfriends are good-looking. Too rose to be true, I can tell. And this bunch of people really have nothing to do except all their pool parties, drinking, chatting and fighting against each other for stealing boyfriends/ girlfriends and other unbelievably stupid dramas. For a while, I was wondering, “How could MTV broadcast this kind of show?”

It was too idiotic to be seen here, right on MTV. But well, MTV is now much lousier than it used to be. Or should I change to something more mature for my age? I just realized that I am no longer 16 and now I sound like a 40-year-old mom. Okay, I guess it’s time I stopped whining about how stupid the channel is or finding out how old I may end up being.

Stop! Stop! Oh, just stop!

Things in this world is just getting more idiotic!!!