Perhaps I am tired.

Or perhaps I am exhausted.

Or I am stressed out.

Or I am on a depression.

Oh no… I dare not think about the fourth idea. That is going to be too much to bear, seriously.

Problem is I almost got hit by a mad couple riding a mad motorbike last night while I was on the way back to my apartment. I didn’t hate them, in fact, because I was actually yawning with lots of sleepy tears in my eyes. I felt like I was in the midst of a blurry forest. And that mad couple appeared like a blast, trying to get their way out in the T-junction of the street.

My heart skipped a beat.

In fact, my poor heart skipped a lot of beats.

Instead of cursing my mouth off, I gave them another longest yawn ever.

I would put the blame on the dinner I had with Chris last night. Let’s see what we had for a fancy dinner in a Moroccan-mixed-Egyptian restaurant. Chick peas warhamas (some kind of marinated chick peas paste topped with super-virgin olive oil and cinnamon powder), cucumber and raisin salad soaked in sugar-free yoghurt, garlic and salsa salad with lemon juice. All were served with couscous (sort of Moroccan bread and crispy nachos with sesame) in dipping style. Seriously, the atmosphere of the restaurant with blue-striped wall and dim yellow light made us (especially me) totally relaxed and later, sleepy. When the chicken kebab came to our table, I stared at 3 chicken sticks in horror while Chris swallowed hard, being afraid of not being able to finish it. And I started yawning…

Another stupid thing I made during dinner was order another wrap dish with lamb and tomato slices. In the end, while I paid (in fact, Chris suggested to share the bill but I was too stubborn to let him. He already paid for the previous fancy dinner), Chris asked the waiter to pack the wrap roll and yoghurt salad leftover for him. He was grinning about his next breakfast in the microwave. Chris is an easy-going guy who is comfortable enough to eat all left-over food, as long as it is reheated in the microwave.

Another reason for me (and him) to yawn was the topics we ranted about:

1. Politics (can’t imagine I jumped to such a boring topic!)
2. Government corruption (another one, but a bit more interesting)
3. Food & cooking (this is definitely more exciting or could be the most exciting topic of the night. It’s so relevant to the dinner we were having)
4. Taxes and stress (that made me upset and yawn a lot)
5. People we know (all are gone except 1)
6. Tennis (Chris was so much into Tennis and he proposed that I should take a class even though I gave him a long “NO” due to an accident happened with a tennis ball 3 years ago)
7. His coming project (which is totally not interesting at all but I was still keen on listening yet yawning along)

I told Chris I was desperate for a drink. A cocktail or a glass of wine should be fine for me but Chris insisted on going home as he saw my eyes nearly shut down. I was half asleep while I was in the taxi although it was just 10 plus. I couldn’t stand any longer and after that heart-skipping incident, I went to sleep straight away once I reached my bed.

This morning, I still could not believe yesterday was Friday. I was supposed to go out till dawn, having fun and perhaps dancing around in certain clubs. But I wasn’t and I continue to doubt that was Friday. Admittedly, my workload increased significantly recently and all deadlines just jumped out from nowhere and chase me to death. I was terribly exhausted and all I wanted was sleep. Let’s pray that I won’t be so stressed out and get on another depression, again.

Good news is my birthday is coming next week. My colleagues already whispered about how to celebrate my birthday. They tried to keep it in secret but I probably knew what they would do next week. A simple chocolate cake with lots and lots of dark chocolate chips (my favourite, I usually steal the chocolate chips and leave the cake for them to enjoy), a funny-looking birthday card for me to paste on my cubicle with lots of ridiculous wishes and signatures. But that is nice enough, I suppose. I tempted to take leave on that day but I have too much work that wouldn’t spare me a single hour to rest (except at night).

All my good friends are all gone so I could only celebrate my birthday perhaps with my family and Chris, who is growing to be closer to me now. I am thinking of taking my family for a Korean dinner with pancakes and BBQ pork ribs. I’ve taken them to Thai restaurant for Lunar New Year gather dinner so now I really have to think of something new. Korean food seems to be a nice choice, taking into consideration of my family’s taste and dietary habit. Chris would not be here next week because he needs to settle the legal documents for his coming project in Hanoi. But he promised to surprise me with a gift which I’m completely clueless what about.

In the end, the birthday idea seems to excite me up a bit.

Tonight, I have another dinner with a sister coming back from France. Both of us wanted to go dancing but she got sick so we changed to dinner and so we can catch up more. This is another out-going and crazy sister whom I adore a lot. She is so much like me, never cares about what people think about her and just lives her life the way she wishes. She got pregnant and delivered a mixed son who loves to smile. And well, she got no husband. Isn’t it strange? But she doesn’t care. She still cheers up, enjoying her life and having a lot of funs and still taking care of her son properly. I don’t and will not understand why and how but that’s the lifestyle she chooses and I respect her decision without any judgment. On another thought, she must have been a tough cookie when decided to keep the baby a year ago.

Marriage seems to lose its vital role in this society nowadays. I totally dislike that fact but it is there, along the way. Surrounding me are single moms, single men in their 30s (mid and late 30s, preferably) and young widows who have different lifestyles and never complain about their statuses. And what about me? I’m an extremely ordinary girl who loves to hang out with them. You can say I’m weird but I wouldn’t care, too, just like them. Surprisingly, I stay away from settled people who are busy and frustrated with their marriage and children. I don’t bother about them anymore. Why should I?

Or I am just too tired to hear them whining about their issues.

Or I am just afraid of falling into the same old trap.

I don’t know but I do not like it, obviously. Chris said he is working on finding a bride and having no time to feel tired because he’s in his late 30s. I told him he’s still young and should enjoy his life as long as he can. And look at Chris, he has no time for himself, even, not to mention about his tennis games. Perhaps he should look for a girlfriend and that is all. Deal’s done!

I was upset about Daniel the other week but now I realized that I should not have been frustrated about it. I should not weigh the relationship too heavily. I should enjoy my life, my job, my friendship and dinners with Chris and other friends instead of worrying about Daniel not thinking about me. He’s just so out of reach! I’ll wait to see what he’s going to do for my birthday. And I am not sure whether he could remember it, even. Men can remember perfectly about basketball game plans but can’t recall their girlfriends’ birthday or even Valentine’s Day. That’s not what they were created for. But don’t ask me to tolerate that and sympathize with their loss of memory or so. I wouldn’t. There must be a certain limit for this issue. I don’t require a fancy party or diamond ring for a birthday gift. A card would be nice enough and to be more environment-friendly, an e-Card will do. But if he can’t do even such a simple thing, I will gently remind him of fixing his missed duty.

I rant too much…

Perhaps I should shut up.

And I am shutting up!

I’m going swimming now!

(Picture is displayed only for fun-purpose. No seriousness beyond!)