It takes a while for me to know who you really are…


This tag line sounds a bit negative but this entry is totally not. I am talking about D., of course, my dear loveable man from the other side of the ocean.


It’s been 3 years when we got to love each other. Storms have come and gone with a lot of sadness, bitterness, sourness and arguments that faded over time. We are still at 2 far away lands with two different lifestyles. One is working like crazy and struggling with financial status while the other one is still enjoying the very last semester in school before facing the corporate world. We’re both lonely at our own places, seeking for company and friends enthusiastically.


I don’t call D. my boyfriend. In fact, he’s someone that I always love even though my feeling for him can fall asleep sometimes. I also have temptation to get another man. You know the trick. Women always need a male shoulder to lean on and to feel protected. I am not the exceptional case, either. I almost yanked my hair sometimes “Oh I want a man. I want. I want. I want”. Something is really wrong here, nature’s call, maybe.


Going out with my guy friends, also with a few admirers that I didn’t know from the beginning (only after going out for a meal with them – Ahem, I don’t tend to show off or anything), I found something missing in them. I can’t describe but there is something, uhm, I guess, to do with compatibility and understanding. They’re not like D. D. is someone special to my heart and with him, literally, I felt loved and protected, even though he is not here with me. Again, I guess there is something to do with trust.


We fought a few times and those times were followed by a Cold war. D. found out that it’s not easy for him to hurt me and I can’t sleep well when I hurt in return (whenever we fought). So, in the end, the arguments would end with us apologizing each other and peace came back to the world again.


D. is also jealous and I love the way he expresses that he’s jealous. He is trying to sound and act so cool but actually, he shows it all. I just love him the way he is and I smile whenever I think about him or whatever fight we had. God has distanced us for good, to test our faith and love for each other. And after all, D. is the one who chooses to accept who I am and walk with me in my life. He knows how bad my financial management skill is but he is still happy to tease me as if I was richer than a Hollywood movie star.


I opened my Yahoo mailbox and got shocked with a few messages sent from Facebook Admin. The message like “Hey, this is ABC, D’s childhood / best / close / school friend. I’ve heard lots about you and would like make friends with you. You must be very interesting that’s why D. talked about a lot” appeared a few times. D. actually told his close friends about me, someone that kept his heart trembling up and down all this while. I’ve talked to one of his best friends and that guy was really surprised as D. had never mentioned about any girl more than once in his life. And I myself was surprised when he told me that I appeared a lot in their conversation whenever D. was talking about settling down.


Again, I was shocked.


And I am not sure if D. has talked to his mom about me, too. I’m very worried, I’m so so so worried. Uhm, “worried” is actually not the right word. “Nervous” should be the correct word for my feeling, thinking about that. What will his mom think about me? Oh no, do I sound like a bride-to-be?








The feeling said it all, didn’t it?


It takes a while for me to realize who you really are to me. Let’s put it this way. It takes a while for me to know how much you really mean to me.


A lot!

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